Separation and divorce can be difficult for the whole family, particularly when decisions need to be made about children and their future.
Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM) gives children an opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings in a safe, supportive and age appropriate setting. Their voice can then help parents understand what matters to them when making decisions about arrangements following separation.
At Marcia Mediation, two of our mediators are specifically qualified to undertake Child Inclusive Mediation, giving families access to specialist experience when involving children in the mediation process.
Our approach is always child centred. Children are not asked to choose between parents or make adult decisions. Instead, they are given an opportunity to be heard and for their views to be considered as parents work towards lasting agreements.
What Is Child Inclusive Mediation?
Child Inclusive Mediation is a structured process that allows children to have their views heard as part of family mediation.
A specially trained child inclusive mediator creates a safe and neutral environment where a child can talk about their experiences, feelings and concerns. The mediator remains impartial and does not tell the child what to think or encourage them to take sides.
The purpose is not to ask children to decide what should happen. Instead, their perspective can help parents better understand how separation and proposed arrangements are affecting them.
This can be particularly valuable when parents are trying to agree arrangements around where children live, time spent with each parent, education, holidays or other important aspects of family life.
Every family is different, so the approach will be adapted to the circumstances, age and needs of the child. At Marcia Mediation, the process generally involves the following stages.
The process begins with a meeting between the parents and mediator. This gives parents the opportunity to understand what child inclusive mediation involves and discuss whether it could be appropriate for their family.
The mediator will explain how CIM differs from traditional family mediation and answer any questions or concerns.
If both parents agree to proceed, the mediator will discuss the arrangements and ensure everyone understands how the process will work.
The child’s age, development and individual circumstances will be considered when deciding how best to approach the session.
Before a child takes part, the mediator will assess whether CIM is appropriate and whether the child is comfortable participating.
The emotional safety and wellbeing of the child are central to this assessment. If Child Inclusive Mediation is not considered suitable, the family will be advised accordingly.
The child then has the opportunity to speak privately with the mediator in a safe and supportive environment.
Sessions are usually around an hour and use age appropriate approaches to help children communicate their thoughts and feelings. The child is not expected to make decisions or choose between their parents.
Following the session, the mediator can provide feedback to the parents, while respecting the child’s confidentiality and wishes about what can be shared.
This can help parents understand their child’s perspective and consider it when reaching practical agreements about their future arrangements.
Why Choose Child Inclusive Mediation?
Separation can leave children feeling uncertain about what will happen next. They may have concerns about where they will live, how often they will see each parent, school, holidays or changes to their everyday routine.
Child Inclusive Mediation gives children an opportunity to express these concerns without placing responsibility for the outcome on them.
Children can have valuable perspectives on the arrangements being discussed by their parents. Giving them an appropriate opportunity to be heard can help parents understand their experiences and consider their needs when making decisions.
The process can also help children feel that their views matter without making them responsible for resolving the dispute.
CIM can benefit parents too. Understanding how children are experiencing separation can help parents communicate more effectively and make decisions with a clearer understanding of their child’s needs.
The aim is to support constructive co parenting and agreements that work for the family in the longer term.
It is completely understandable for parents to wonder whether involving their child in mediation is the right decision.
Some parents worry that the process could be stressful or that their child may feel caught between them. Child Inclusive Mediation is specifically designed to avoid this. Children are not asked to choose sides or decide which parent is right.
The mediator will consider whether CIM is appropriate before the child takes part and will use an approach that is suitable for their age and circumstances.
If you are unsure whether child inclusive mediation services could benefit your family, our team can talk you through the process and help you understand your options.
Parents can understandably have concerns about involving their children in mediation. Some of the most common are:
“It will be too stressful for my child.”
The process takes place in a supportive environment and the mediator will consider whether CIM is appropriate before the child participates. Children are never forced to take part.
“My child will be expected to choose a parent.”
No. The purpose of CIM is to listen to the child’s perspective, not ask them to decide where they should live or which parent they should spend time with.
“Children should not be involved in adult decisions.”
Children should not be responsible for adult decisions. However, when arrangements directly affect their lives, giving them an appropriate opportunity to be heard can help parents make more informed decisions.
Research into Child Inclusive Mediation has shown how children’s perspectives can help parents develop arrangements that better reflect their children’s needs.
In one example, children shared their views about spending time with each parent. While they did not decide the final arrangements themselves, their comments helped guide the parents towards an agreement that the children felt involved in creating.
This sense of involvement can be valuable. When children understand that their parents have listened to them, they may feel more secure and confident about the arrangements that follow.
The role of CIM is not to give children control over the outcome. It is to make sure their perspective is not overlooked.
At Marcia Mediation, we believe children should be given an appropriate voice in decisions that affect their lives.
Importantly, two of our mediators are qualified to undertake Child Inclusive Mediation, giving families access to specialist expertise that not every mediation service can offer.
Our mediators provide a calm, impartial and supportive environment, helping parents understand their children’s perspectives while keeping responsibility for the final decisions firmly with the adults.
Whether you are considering child inclusive mediation for the first time or would simply like to understand whether it is suitable for your family, we can explain the process and help you decide on the right next step.
Your child’s voice matters. We can help you make space for it while working towards a positive way forward for the whole family.
