Separation and divorce are a painful time for any family. But amidst emotional upset and significant change, children’s voices can go unheard.
Child-inclusive mediation (CIM) gives children a voice so their perspectives are heard, understood, and valued.
To support parents through their separation, Marcia Mediation’s experienced team of family mediators have broken down the child mediation process.
Clearing away confusion and leaving a path to healthier family outcomes, discover how understanding child-inclusive mediation can help parents make decisions that are in the best interest of their children.
Find out how CIM can help you navigate family separation with empathy and understanding, ensuring your children’s needs are always at the forefront.
Child-inclusive mediation, or CIM for short, is a structured and therapeutic process in which the youngest members of the family have the opportunity to voice their opinions.
The trained mediator acts as a neutral facilitator, providing a safe, supportive environment to help the child understand child-inclusive mediation without pressure from either parent. They remain impartial and focus on healthy, child-centred communication to give the family and child the tools to prioritise their best interests throughout the process.
The child mediation process is a way to consider their feelings and experiences, as well as how the separation will affect them. Their answers may not legally impact the divorce procedure, but they could influence concerns like parenting arrangements or custody.
In fact, a 2021 government survey found 68% of families who used mediation (including CIM) reported that it helped them to improve communication with the other parent, resulting in more stable co-parenting.
The child mediation process can differ slightly depending on the mediator and family dynamics.
Marcia Mediation follows the typical process – focusing on the key stages designed to protect the child’s emotional safety and give them an opportunity to share their thoughts.
The first step in the child mediation process is a meeting between parents and the mediator, where the concept of CIM is introduced.
During this session, parents can ask questions about how the process works and understand how divorce mediation with children will differ from traditional mediation.
The mediator explains that child-inclusive mediation allows children to express their views without feeling pressured, fostering a child-centred approach to family decisions.
After agreeing to the process, both parents sign a Parental Agreement, which outlines the parameters of the child mediation process.
The mediator will then be assigned to the case, taking into account the family dynamics and the child’s age and developmental stage.
By customising the mediation approach, the mediator ensures that the child’s emotional needs are respected and that the process is appropriate for their level of understanding.
The mediator conducts a screening meeting with the parents to assess whether Child-Inclusive Mediation is suitable for the family.
The mediator considers emotional safety and determines if the child is ready to participate. If CIM is not deemed appropriate, the initial consultation fees are refunded. This step ensures that only families who are genuinely ready for this type of mediation proceed.
Once the parents and mediator are aligned, the CIM session takes place, either in a neutral setting or virtually.
Children have the option to participate, and the session lasts around an hour. During this meeting, the mediator uses age-appropriate strategies to help the child articulate their thoughts and feelings.
Family mediation with kids is the best way to avoid the child feeling as though they have to make decisions or choose sides and is instead encouraged to express how the situation makes them feel.
After the child’s session, the mediator schedules a feedback meeting with the parents. In this session, the mediator shares insights from the child mediation process while respecting the child’s right to confidentiality.
Children can choose what information is shared with their parents. This is crucial to maintaining their emotional safety and ensuring the process remains child-centred.
By considering their child’s wishes, parents can develop a more balanced and cooperative plan, and the mediator can assist in drafting a Child Arrangements Order, which is submitted to the court to formalise the arrangement.
When families go through separation or divorce, children are statistically more likely to experience a range of negative impacts.
From increased behavioural and emotional problems to a higher risk of mental health issues like anxiety and depression, some studies show a 16% increase in academic decline and an increase in engaging in risky behaviours like substance abuse or early sexual activity.
Without a structured and supportive process, children can experience increased anxiety, confusion, and stress, especially if they feel they have no say in decisions affecting their lives. Child-inclusive mediation is a way for parents to provide the crucial emotional validation they need to help children navigate the transition.
Through the child mediation process, children are not only heard, but their needs are actively considered in decisions like living arrangements, school changes, or holiday schedules.
One family found that their teenager’s input during mediation with Marcia Mediation led to an agreement that prioritised stability in schooling and social connections:
“I finally feel like someone is listening to me and it helped so much as mum and dad are now doing what I want.”
By participating in family mediation with kids, children also develop valuable emotional coping skills. These can include how to communicate their feelings, resolve conflicts, and practice empathy – skills that benefit them long after the mediation process is over.
The positive impact of child-inclusive mediation extends well beyond the child:
This cooperative approach will give parents the confidence to make joint decisions – a harmonious dynamic that will help to create a peaceful and supportive home for the whole family.
Many parents worry, “Will this upset or pressure my child?” and it’s completely natural to feel anxious about involving your child in the child mediation process. Understanding child-inclusive mediation is important to feeling confident in taking the next step.
The child mediation process is designed to prioritise the child’s emotional well-being, and mediators are trained to create a safe and supportive environment.
Many families have already found their path to a peaceful and stable future, with research indicating that around 70% of cases reach a satisfactory resolution when involving child-inclusive mediation.
One recent case at Marcia Mediation shared:
“At least someone finally listened to me, and it felt so good to just be heard.”
This reflects the core aim of child-inclusive mediation – giving children a voice without placing them in the middle or making them choose sides.
It’s normal for parents to worry about involving their child in the child mediation process, but many of these concerns stem from misconceptions. Marcia’s extensive experience in child-inclusive mediation has the answers to common questions so families can have confidence in their decisions:
“It will be too stressful for my child.”
Child-inclusive mediation is designed to reduce stress by offering a safe, neutral space where children can express themselves. Trained mediators use age-appropriate techniques to ensure children feel comfortable and not overwhelmed during the family mediation process.
“My child will be forced to take sides.”
Child-focused mediation benefits from neutral mediators who do not push any agenda. Mediators simply listen to the child’s feelings, helping parents reach better, more informed decisions about parenting arrangements.
“Children should be kept out of adult decisions.”
While children shouldn’t bear the burden of adult decisions, divorce mediation with children recognises their right to be heard when decisions affect their lives.
In child-inclusive mediation, success stories often demonstrate how giving children a voice in family decision-making can lead to more durable and cooperative agreements.
Bristol University conducted research into how families experience the child mediation process. One father’s story highlights how his children’s input significantly shaped the contact arrangements:
While the children did not explicitly dictate when they wanted to spend time with each parent, the mediator captured their preferences, which were then used to “steer” the final decision.
Bobby reflected, “Even if the children had only contributed to ‘one or two per cent of the decision-making process… in their eyes, they have done 98 per cent of it just by saying something.”
When the parents later suggested a change, the children stood firm, saying, “No, Daddy, we worked hard to get that. We want to keep that.”
This sense of agency made the children feel involved and respected, which in turn strengthened the durability of the agreement. Once mediation had been completed, the parents showed respect for their children’s wishes, showcasing how child involvement can reinforce a sense of ownership and commitment to the arrangement.
Marcia is an accredited mediator who provides a supportive, empathetic environment, guiding families through mediation with professionalism and understanding. Whether you’re dealing with custody, contact arrangements, or other family matters, Marcia is here to help you find the best solution for your family’s future.
With over 70% of families reaching satisfactory resolutions through CIM, you can trust that we’ll work with you to create a peaceful, stable path forward.
Let us help you move forward with confidence – your child’s voice matters.
If you have any questions, call us on 07791 560 161 or fill out this form
