The mediators at Marcia Mediation have over 20 years experience in family mediation. For our clients it is your first time and we understand this. It is not at all scary though. Far from it. The family mediator is here to put of you at ease and to focus on what can be agreed rather than on what divides you. And, before you know you may find that with this intervention far more can be agreed than you feared. One thing is for sure. The process is far less stressful than going to court . You can decide whether you want to accept any offer on the table. At court, only the judge can decide and the decision may not please either of you.
Marcia Mediation gives these ten tips to our clients to help you prepare and get the most from your time with the mediator.
- 1.Think about what you really want to achieve from the meeting. Clear your head as much as is possible under the circumstances.
- 2.Make a list of what is important to you. You want to maximise your time in the meeting, and not walk out having forgotten the essential issues. Make sure you bring up all the points in your list at the mediation if these are not addressed.
- 3.Get all of your financial documents together: being prepared is a way of feeling in control.
- 4.Consider talking to a financial/mortgage adviser so you know where you stand before the meeting. It may be that you need to check what your mortgage entitlement is, or even if you could have the property in your sole name. A financial advisor will reassure you on how much money you will need after separation and can offer ongoing advice. Being armed with all of this information is strength in itself and will help to expedite matters.
- 5.Obtain any necessary valuations, such as the family home, business or any other assets. You will need this information and it is cheaper and quicker if you get these yourself.
- 6.If you want to discuss the way forward with the children, think about how their needs can best be met by you both. Think about any work rotas, their timetables etc. which need to be addressed.
- 7.Consider whether your family mediator should meet the children.If both parents consent, it may be that children from 10 years old, may want to discuss how they feel with the mediator. This is called child consultancy and our mediators are qualified to carry this out. It is simply hearing the voice of the child and respecting their views rather than making them take adult decisions. It can be very powerful and effective for your child.
- 8.Keep calm and carry on. They are powerful words!
- 9.Practice focussing on the breath when emotions take over. Just count each breath and accept the emotion for what it is.
- 10.Trust your family mediator to help you maintain control over your life as you work through the process and separate with dignity.
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For any questions please contact
Marcia Lister: Marcia@marciamediation.co.uk; 07791560161