From mediation to appreciation – how to finally move forwards

 

All too often a separation can lead to a feeling of stalemate, where neither party wants to compromise at all for fear of admitting guilt, or where emotions simply run too high to see the situation from the other party’s point of view.

This is where mediation can be particularly helpful, offering a middle ground and a genuinely independent point of view, and in the worst cases shuttle mediation can be used to facilitate communication between parties who cannot bear to be in the same room.

But aside from helping to reduce the cost, complexity and time taken by divorce proceedings, in the best outcomes mediation can help to restore communication and even to help you appreciate each other’s experience and understanding of past events.

Re-breaking the ice

Any divorce redefines your relationship with one another, whether you choose to never speak again, or you would prefer to remain on civil or even friendly terms – and this is often influenced in part by any children you might have together.

But because this sense of change is inevitable during a separation, it is also an ideal time to renew the lines of communication so that you can move forwards positively not just during the divorce, but in the years that follow too.

Again, mediators can help you to do this, and however acrimonious things may have been in the recent past, finalising your divorce can draw a line under that and allow you to return to more civility surprisingly quickly.

Acknowledging the good

There is nothing wrong with acknowledging the good aspects of a relationship even at a time when you are legally separating from one another – it can help to put things into perspective and focus proceedings on the negotiations that need to be made.

Mediators know that all the involved parties are people with feelings, emotions and hopes for the future, and mediation is the process by which everyone is given the best possible chance for positive change.

In cases where mediators are involved from the start, this can allow the entire divorce to take place quite amicably, without getting into a stalemate situation over an important issue, or even over something trivial where a compromise just cannot be found.

Even if your divorce is already well underway, you can call in a mediator to advise on any impasses, to help you to get back on to the right track and to ensure that when all the negotiating is done, you are able to divorce with dignity still intact.

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